10:47,11/11/08
The scene of a dingy hospital.My blood was on the floor as i was about to surrender myself to numbness.Thick O positive red droplets were crawling throughout my broken leg,courtesy a fatal blow by a tempo on whose back it was clearly written "when i will grow up...i will become a truck".I think it is realy working hard towards its childhood ambition.
I was made to sit on an uncomfortable couch of the waiting ward as the hospital was facing shortage of beds thanks to the latest success of the mosquitoes in our town.I was pursuading myself that soon it's gonna be alright but it was all in vein.It was never suppose to....perhaps it was just a trailor.
I watched faces with full of pain,grief and frustation towards the administration of hospital.Even the patients who should thank there ladyluck for blessing them with a bed were in no better condition as there were no doctors or very few nurses to attend them.Maybe all the doctors have gone to watch a charity match for the aids awareness program or maybe they are getting lessons from there foreign counterparts that how to cope up with a stampede in a hospital.
Anyways at that point of time these were all secondary issues to me.An incident took place at that very moment that literally gave me a stronger blow then the tempo's one.The moment i was about to bid adieu to that freaky hospital,i saw her.....i saw her from corner of my eyes.Is it realy she??
I opted for a better angle.The guy sitting next to me made a wierd face as if i needed a mental hospital to be cured rather then this one but i didn't cared and tried to put me in a position where the visibility factor increases.Finally i succeeded in my campaign and after disturbing few more of already disturbed patients i came across the fact that it was very much "She"
She... who gave me endless reasons to smile,
She... with whom i shared many intimacy patterns,
She... who knew me inside out and whose company gave me immense pleasures,
and
She... to whom i was just about to call and hear her sweet voice so that i can forget my pain,
She proved to be a pleasent surprise in all the hardships of the hospital and unbearable pain.A smile carved up on my lips and as my throat just prepared itself for calling her name,a face appears from out of the blue.The face of him my not so dear....not so friend.
I saw him tensed and impatient.She was accompanying him.At first i thought of them as brother & sister but very soon clouds of doubt surrounding me took a leave.He hugged her passionately and gave a small kiss on her hand.The body language said it all.They were couple pretty much in love.
It was a standstill moment for me,the one i cannot forget till my last breath.My heart was pounding fiercely,my nerves were forcing my skin for an outburst,my conscience was about to collapse.I went mute and a sound in my ears crept in that happens to be the same when there's a bombardment.The long creeching sound.
The small ill girl sitting on the floor wiped the back of her hand as my tears made a contact.Ill girl saw me and passed me a handkercheif.Her notion that "Men don't cry" went into the thin airs.
She too was in tears but those were not reserved for me but for him.He also had an unfortunate appointment with the unavailable doctors of the hospital.She was acting as his pillar of strenght and here i was witnessing my faith shattering into pieces and with more blood i was also loosing my sanity.My mind was inculcated with bulk of questions that were so hungry for justifications.
WHY SHE DID THAT TO ME??? WHY SHE BETRAYED ME??? WAS SHE JUST PLAYING AROUND WITH ME??? IS SHE HER TWIN SISTER??? WAS SHE JUST MY BEAUTIFUL DREAM??? WAS SHE MERE DEVELOPMENT OF MY OVERSIZE IMAGINATION??
CONFUSION...BLOOD....TEARS.....PAIN.... RAGE ..... all together making a mockery of my so called fairytale
First i was made to know her deeply
...next to crave for her intensely
...then to love her tenderly and
lastly now I am made to cry for her grimmly.
I wanted her to answer all my deserving queries but my words contained no sound but only pain & fury.I felt like screaming till my vocal cords withdraws from its service.I was clueless that why I fall prey to this merciless betrayal.My tears were unstoppable and my pain was undeceaseable.The pityness of mine was quite visible on my face as it made the little ill girl more sad.
He was finding solace in her arms as if he knew that somebody with a broken leg is watching them so he never left a stone unturned to bring out the best of "jealous me".I watched them, though my tears were making the scene blurry but it was enough to make me more an object of sympathy.
She was wearing a off-white salwar kameez with minimal make up.Her hairs were falling down the shoulders.Ears were decked up with silver ear ring.I noticed that her left silver ear ring was broken and loosing out a part of it....maybe a little star that shines in the dark.
Those eyes....those glimmering eyes in which i saw unconditional love for me, no more entice me....that beautiful face that provoked the poet in me is no more an inspiration.
The doctor enters in to scene followed by a quick conversation.His words brought them a world of relief.She smiles.....that same smile that makes me go down on the knees and do anything for her...anything.
Doctor leaves......the space apart the couple decrease....
resulting in a tight hug.That touch bewildered me and i ended up loosing some more salty water from my eyes.
She left with no sign of remorse and on the contrary i was crying over my miseries.
The small ill girl came to me and broke the silence by asking "what happened"?
Still my words were in no mood to take a shape of a proper sentence through which i can convey my agony to her.Meanwhile the little girl placed her hand on my thighs and felt something in my pocket.She questioned "what is in there? "with an anxious look on her face.I acted slowly and inserted my hand in pocket.
The very next second I and the little girl met with a surprise as a little silver star made it's appearance.
Maybe it was part of broken silver ear ring,
maybe it was part of my beautiful past
or maybe it was part to my remembrance of divine love.
I gave that little star to that little girl and left.
There are moments in life one when one feel like digging oneself till the end of the grounds where nothing can be seen,nothing can be heard and nothing can be loved.
The love.....the pain....the anger...the agony......the sympathy.....these emotions make you weak and leave you with no choice but just to act & react like puppets.Sometimes you are bound to feel enchanted and sometimes miserable.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Munchy-Crunchy evening
7:55 PM 11/4/2008
There I was sitting.....In a room that is not so properly lighted.Few people around me making different kind of sounds.Crunching,Munching,Babbling,slurping,Yawning and even farting.Absolutely I know these people.We have been together in different phases of life.Some have been good to me and some have been very bad.We all were having a 'no where' conversation starting from USA and ending over GOLGAPPAS.
I was just holding a packet of KURKURE one of the great Indian family snack.Just holding because this was exactly wat i was doing .I was not eating them.People encircling me are making there presence felt by inserting there hands in the packet.Some took one
and some shaked the packet to it's nerves.Especially Mr.Ganpath,one of my college friend.He was not at all interested that who will be the next U.S president or which 'paani' of golgappas better suits who suffer from constipation.All he wanted is to feed himself as many of the snack as he can. It was his race against time.His mouth was constantly munching and yet he was ready to upload some more of KURKARAS.I was taken aback and watched him as if he am
watching another wonder of world.
Suddenly a feminine hand came in and it gently took two of them.She was carrying a baby whose face was hidden under a small sheet.He too was continously making his view points clear by saying "baa baa boo boo"I hoped that i could have understood those words,maybe it can bring the next big revolution.
Anyways his mother's name was Dhara.She was sitting left to me and successfully multi-tasking.Chatting,eating,handling the baby and also adjusting her fallen "chaar baal" on her forehead.Everytime she did,her newly brought ear rings were clearly visible.I thought this was her main intention rather streamlining her 'chaar baal'.
She tossed a kurkura into her mouth and said with a smile "Arre devar ji....take some more..."
"devar ji" was not for me but for our friend mr ganpath.Ganpath was on a break for the time been but again his ambitions were ignited by his bhabhi ji;Dhara.
Dhara was not even looking at me despite of the fact that i was sitting between Dhara,baby& co. and ganpath.For her i was like a zero entity.Just a stand to support the packet of snack.She again
smiled at him and ganpath fulfilled her wish by taking some more of kurkure.God bless ganpath.
I saw dhara at once but again she protected herself from an eye contact.My mind started to pull out the pages from history of my life that what made dhara so cold towards me,I didn't find any such incident. Maybe it's misunderstanding or maybe she suffers from near blindness.
Now,she moved her head towards the left direction and shouted "arre jaanu(i dunno why every sentence of hers starts with an "arre")
What are you thinking suddenly?".That word 'jaanu' was subjected to a guy sitting in front of me in a distance named as Milan.Milan was my very gud school friend.We goes back a long way.Always tried to be true to our friendship.Milan now is a dad of a baby but before that he is husband of dhara.Milan and i were very much alike but the irony is that for dhara milan is everything and for dhara i was nothing.
Milan broke the pricking silence and said "Hey Billoo is doing great.Again his film is selected for a film festival.Isn't it fantastic??"I nodded and said "yeah it is.It's gud...billo thinks from stomach"
"stomach????"milan shouted in a shock.
"oh sorry,i take my words back....i meant heart"i replied
"yes dats true.Billoo is going to be a gud filmmaker" Milan said.
I seriusly don't know why i said that 'stomach thing' but that surely gave Dhara a reason to giggle and make a looser out of me.I said that maybe because there was too much of crunching & munching of Mr ganpath.
"Billoo is a true artist.Billoo's films cannot be understood by regular & ordinary people.They need an intellectual thinking" dhara announced with a pinch of sarcasm.
I realy don't have to say that who was at the receiving end for those words from her.
A knock at the door and there enters the devil.whose praises were flying all over upto the ceiling.The presence was enjoyed by everybody in the room.Dhara was delighted,Milan congratulated for latest success,Mr ganpath waved with his hands still full of kurkure
Even the baby farted out of happiness.Billoo was wearing a director's hat and a camera hanging from neckline.The walk was of a next stars and the stare was a killer.
Dhara snatched the packet from me and offered Billoo.Billoo after taking a comfortable seat took some kurkuras directly from teeth and started crunching them into powder.The strong sharp teeath were shining in a dim litted room.The paws of billoo were also doing some spade work in finishing those salted pieces.Yes...it's not a mistake the paws of billoo & white sharp teeth of billoo.
Billoo was none other then a white pomerian dog who walks,talks,dress handsomely and make films.Billoo took out a memento from its new jeans and showed it to everybody.It was given by D & C Society(dogs&cats) to honour billoo as billooo has bring pride to there species by directing humans whose orders they are taking since evolution.
Dhara was again full of nice words about billoo.She said "arre devar ji(this time it was not mr ganpath but the hero of the moment,the doggiee billoo)
why don't you cast jaanu...i mean Milan in your next film.I am sure he will do a great work"
Billoo replied "yes yes ofcourse one day i will cast him but right now am in search of a baby boy for my next film"
Dhara jumped with joy and said "wow!!it's wonderful...then u should take a look at our little champ.He is a helluva active baby."
I was just mere spectator to all this auditioning.Mr Ganpath too was not showing any sign of interest and was busy in cleaning his teeths with his tongue.
Milan drifted hilmself towards billoo as if he is the father of next big hero of industry.
Billoo holded the baby with its paws and removed the sheet from his face.This too made me little anxious as i always wanted to see that mouth that utter so many different words which are not in knowledge of any adult...only infants have the idea.
As the sheet was removed and baby's face was revealed,billoo was pretty happy to see the baby and felt a state of triumph.Billoo used its long wet tongue and licked the baby's face.This made Dhara proud & elated as she thought that baby has received billoo's blessings.The next great film maker of the country.
I quickly moved from my place and grabbed my chance to have a look over the baby.I was still unaware of the blow that was coming my way.
The moment i saw the baby..i went into a state of commaa.My eyes bulged out and mouth was opened for forever.
In size he was a baby but his face was of an adult and the face was of my old times friend Sumit. I,Milan and Sumit were used to be the famous trio of our school.My memory cells woke up from a long uninterrupted sleep and surpassed my brain another vital information.Yes....i remember..i remember exactly that one day Sumit mentioned about the a girl with whom he is planning to spend rest of his life.It was none other then Dhara.
My mind was on a rollercoaster ride.there were so many questions to be answered.
How sumit & dhara ended up lik this??
how milan becomes father of sumit???
when milan came in between the couple??
I was looking for numerous answers and watched the baby Sumit constanly.He too watched me unlike his mother Dhara.
No more of "ba ba bu bu".Sumit winked at me and passed a naughty smile.Time took a leave as somebody has pressed the button of PAUSE.
Billoo was paused while adjusting camera to click baby's pictures.
Milan was paused while making a comic face to make the baby smile.
Dhara was paused while yet again aadjusting her "chaar baal".
Mr ganpath was paused while he was about to release some gaseous kurkure into the air.
But I could moved and so could Sumit my friend.Sumit said to me " Hey wat r u lukin at.. u asshole!!this is what happens when u go overboard due to free vodkas.Next time do drink till u handle it and don't end up making my sweetheart my mother" he raised his middle finger and burst into a loud laughter.
He lefted me with no choice but to laugh at my own created amusement.
There I was sitting.....In a room that is not so properly lighted.Few people around me making different kind of sounds.Crunching,Munching,Babbling,slurping,Yawning and even farting.Absolutely I know these people.We have been together in different phases of life.Some have been good to me and some have been very bad.We all were having a 'no where' conversation starting from USA and ending over GOLGAPPAS.
I was just holding a packet of KURKURE one of the great Indian family snack.Just holding because this was exactly wat i was doing .I was not eating them.People encircling me are making there presence felt by inserting there hands in the packet.Some took one
and some shaked the packet to it's nerves.Especially Mr.Ganpath,one of my college friend.He was not at all interested that who will be the next U.S president or which 'paani' of golgappas better suits who suffer from constipation.All he wanted is to feed himself as many of the snack as he can. It was his race against time.His mouth was constantly munching and yet he was ready to upload some more of KURKARAS.I was taken aback and watched him as if he am
watching another wonder of world.
Suddenly a feminine hand came in and it gently took two of them.She was carrying a baby whose face was hidden under a small sheet.He too was continously making his view points clear by saying "baa baa boo boo"I hoped that i could have understood those words,maybe it can bring the next big revolution.
Anyways his mother's name was Dhara.She was sitting left to me and successfully multi-tasking.Chatting,eating,handling the baby and also adjusting her fallen "chaar baal" on her forehead.Everytime she did,her newly brought ear rings were clearly visible.I thought this was her main intention rather streamlining her 'chaar baal'.
She tossed a kurkura into her mouth and said with a smile "Arre devar ji....take some more..."
"devar ji" was not for me but for our friend mr ganpath.Ganpath was on a break for the time been but again his ambitions were ignited by his bhabhi ji;Dhara.
Dhara was not even looking at me despite of the fact that i was sitting between Dhara,baby& co. and ganpath.For her i was like a zero entity.Just a stand to support the packet of snack.She again
smiled at him and ganpath fulfilled her wish by taking some more of kurkure.God bless ganpath.
I saw dhara at once but again she protected herself from an eye contact.My mind started to pull out the pages from history of my life that what made dhara so cold towards me,I didn't find any such incident. Maybe it's misunderstanding or maybe she suffers from near blindness.
Now,she moved her head towards the left direction and shouted "arre jaanu(i dunno why every sentence of hers starts with an "arre")
What are you thinking suddenly?".That word 'jaanu' was subjected to a guy sitting in front of me in a distance named as Milan.Milan was my very gud school friend.We goes back a long way.Always tried to be true to our friendship.Milan now is a dad of a baby but before that he is husband of dhara.Milan and i were very much alike but the irony is that for dhara milan is everything and for dhara i was nothing.
Milan broke the pricking silence and said "Hey Billoo is doing great.Again his film is selected for a film festival.Isn't it fantastic??"I nodded and said "yeah it is.It's gud...billo thinks from stomach"
"stomach????"milan shouted in a shock.
"oh sorry,i take my words back....i meant heart"i replied
"yes dats true.Billoo is going to be a gud filmmaker" Milan said.
I seriusly don't know why i said that 'stomach thing' but that surely gave Dhara a reason to giggle and make a looser out of me.I said that maybe because there was too much of crunching & munching of Mr ganpath.
"Billoo is a true artist.Billoo's films cannot be understood by regular & ordinary people.They need an intellectual thinking" dhara announced with a pinch of sarcasm.
I realy don't have to say that who was at the receiving end for those words from her.
A knock at the door and there enters the devil.whose praises were flying all over upto the ceiling.The presence was enjoyed by everybody in the room.Dhara was delighted,Milan congratulated for latest success,Mr ganpath waved with his hands still full of kurkure
Even the baby farted out of happiness.Billoo was wearing a director's hat and a camera hanging from neckline.The walk was of a next stars and the stare was a killer.
Dhara snatched the packet from me and offered Billoo.Billoo after taking a comfortable seat took some kurkuras directly from teeth and started crunching them into powder.The strong sharp teeath were shining in a dim litted room.The paws of billoo were also doing some spade work in finishing those salted pieces.Yes...it's not a mistake the paws of billoo & white sharp teeth of billoo.
Billoo was none other then a white pomerian dog who walks,talks,dress handsomely and make films.Billoo took out a memento from its new jeans and showed it to everybody.It was given by D & C Society(dogs&cats) to honour billoo as billooo has bring pride to there species by directing humans whose orders they are taking since evolution.
Dhara was again full of nice words about billoo.She said "arre devar ji(this time it was not mr ganpath but the hero of the moment,the doggiee billoo)
why don't you cast jaanu...i mean Milan in your next film.I am sure he will do a great work"
Billoo replied "yes yes ofcourse one day i will cast him but right now am in search of a baby boy for my next film"
Dhara jumped with joy and said "wow!!it's wonderful...then u should take a look at our little champ.He is a helluva active baby."
I was just mere spectator to all this auditioning.Mr Ganpath too was not showing any sign of interest and was busy in cleaning his teeths with his tongue.
Milan drifted hilmself towards billoo as if he is the father of next big hero of industry.
Billoo holded the baby with its paws and removed the sheet from his face.This too made me little anxious as i always wanted to see that mouth that utter so many different words which are not in knowledge of any adult...only infants have the idea.
As the sheet was removed and baby's face was revealed,billoo was pretty happy to see the baby and felt a state of triumph.Billoo used its long wet tongue and licked the baby's face.This made Dhara proud & elated as she thought that baby has received billoo's blessings.The next great film maker of the country.
I quickly moved from my place and grabbed my chance to have a look over the baby.I was still unaware of the blow that was coming my way.
The moment i saw the baby..i went into a state of commaa.My eyes bulged out and mouth was opened for forever.
In size he was a baby but his face was of an adult and the face was of my old times friend Sumit. I,Milan and Sumit were used to be the famous trio of our school.My memory cells woke up from a long uninterrupted sleep and surpassed my brain another vital information.Yes....i remember..i remember exactly that one day Sumit mentioned about the a girl with whom he is planning to spend rest of his life.It was none other then Dhara.
My mind was on a rollercoaster ride.there were so many questions to be answered.
How sumit & dhara ended up lik this??
how milan becomes father of sumit???
when milan came in between the couple??
I was looking for numerous answers and watched the baby Sumit constanly.He too watched me unlike his mother Dhara.
No more of "ba ba bu bu".Sumit winked at me and passed a naughty smile.Time took a leave as somebody has pressed the button of PAUSE.
Billoo was paused while adjusting camera to click baby's pictures.
Milan was paused while making a comic face to make the baby smile.
Dhara was paused while yet again aadjusting her "chaar baal".
Mr ganpath was paused while he was about to release some gaseous kurkure into the air.
But I could moved and so could Sumit my friend.Sumit said to me " Hey wat r u lukin at.. u asshole!!this is what happens when u go overboard due to free vodkas.Next time do drink till u handle it and don't end up making my sweetheart my mother" he raised his middle finger and burst into a loud laughter.
He lefted me with no choice but to laugh at my own created amusement.
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